Relationships: what to look for

In an earlier post I talked about taking time and finding a good relationship.  Well what is a good relationship?  Here's what I think.  Please note that this is based on my experience; results may not be typical.

A good couple typically has some things in common.  Shared interests, similar senses of humor, a minimum of habits that the other finds annoying, etc.  My girlfriend and I are both nerds; we fluently discuss Star Trek, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and make hilarious jokes about such things that most people would fail to understand.  It's nice.

But all this is, in a way, surface level.  It is certainly good to have, smooths things along, and makes a relationship more enjoyable.  What I have found truly defines a good relationship is a mutual desire on the part of each person to make the other one happy.

I hear many stories of people who intentionally do things that bother or embarrass their partners because they find it amusing.  I personally don't really understand this.  If you love someone, you should try to make them happy, not be an annoyance to them.

The other very important foundation of a successful relationship is communication.  A couple has to understand one another.  To do this, you must be open and honest.  Keeping things hidden from each other creates a wedge between a couple.

If you have some issue with your partner, bring it to their attention so, you can work it out together.  You can only make each other happy if you know what makes each other happy.  The same for avoiding hurting or upsetting each other.

Again, disclaimer: I can hardly be considered to know everything there is to know about relationships.  But I think it helpful to bear these things in mind going forth.  If you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to comment below.

Relationships, don't rush in

In love, much as in the rest of life, we tend to learn from our own mistakes and experiences.  My hope is that by sharing some wisdom I’ve gained, you can learn from mine without all the hassle.  I doubt this will be the only relationship post I make.  I’ve learned a lot, and I’m sure I have a lot yet to learn.

We live in a society that glorifies relationships.  This is not an accident; they’re fairly important.  Millions of years of evolutionary training have taught us this, and we also seem to gain a certain personal fulfillment from a good relationship.

But I think we are exposed to some ideas that are harmful to our ideals about love.  In movies, the couple almost always ends up together and happy, despite often being entirely incompatible.  In music, breakups and singleness are mourned, and the virtues of having a significant other extolled.  Absent are the explanations of why a particular person is so wonderful or why the breakup occurred.

This leads to the crux of the problem: society and individuals seek a relationship and find someone to fill that role rather than find a good partner and then begin a relationship.  I have most certainly been guilty of this.  I have spent unpleasant periods of my life seeking and being rejected because I just… wanted a girlfriend.  I eventually slowed down and had the epiphany that I should wait to find a girl right for me before making such an emotional investment.

There is no need to rush headlong into relationships.  Our lives are long enough to find someone truly worth it, but not so long that we can afford to spend time invested deeply in a series of unworkable relationships.

There is much more to be said on this topic.  At least one future post: what makes a great relationship.

If you have anything to add, relationship comments or questions, or requests for future topics, comment below or email me!