Relationships: what to look for

In an earlier post I talked about taking time and finding a good relationship.  Well what is a good relationship?  Here's what I think.  Please note that this is based on my experience; results may not be typical.

A good couple typically has some things in common.  Shared interests, similar senses of humor, a minimum of habits that the other finds annoying, etc.  My girlfriend and I are both nerds; we fluently discuss Star Trek, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and make hilarious jokes about such things that most people would fail to understand.  It's nice.

But all this is, in a way, surface level.  It is certainly good to have, smooths things along, and makes a relationship more enjoyable.  What I have found truly defines a good relationship is a mutual desire on the part of each person to make the other one happy.

I hear many stories of people who intentionally do things that bother or embarrass their partners because they find it amusing.  I personally don't really understand this.  If you love someone, you should try to make them happy, not be an annoyance to them.

The other very important foundation of a successful relationship is communication.  A couple has to understand one another.  To do this, you must be open and honest.  Keeping things hidden from each other creates a wedge between a couple.

If you have some issue with your partner, bring it to their attention so, you can work it out together.  You can only make each other happy if you know what makes each other happy.  The same for avoiding hurting or upsetting each other.

Again, disclaimer: I can hardly be considered to know everything there is to know about relationships.  But I think it helpful to bear these things in mind going forth.  If you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to comment below.

Relationships, don't rush in

In love, much as in the rest of life, we tend to learn from our own mistakes and experiences.  My hope is that by sharing some wisdom I’ve gained, you can learn from mine without all the hassle.  I doubt this will be the only relationship post I make.  I’ve learned a lot, and I’m sure I have a lot yet to learn.

We live in a society that glorifies relationships.  This is not an accident; they’re fairly important.  Millions of years of evolutionary training have taught us this, and we also seem to gain a certain personal fulfillment from a good relationship.

But I think we are exposed to some ideas that are harmful to our ideals about love.  In movies, the couple almost always ends up together and happy, despite often being entirely incompatible.  In music, breakups and singleness are mourned, and the virtues of having a significant other extolled.  Absent are the explanations of why a particular person is so wonderful or why the breakup occurred.

This leads to the crux of the problem: society and individuals seek a relationship and find someone to fill that role rather than find a good partner and then begin a relationship.  I have most certainly been guilty of this.  I have spent unpleasant periods of my life seeking and being rejected because I just… wanted a girlfriend.  I eventually slowed down and had the epiphany that I should wait to find a girl right for me before making such an emotional investment.

There is no need to rush headlong into relationships.  Our lives are long enough to find someone truly worth it, but not so long that we can afford to spend time invested deeply in a series of unworkable relationships.

There is much more to be said on this topic.  At least one future post: what makes a great relationship.

If you have anything to add, relationship comments or questions, or requests for future topics, comment below or email me!

The Shireshack

This post is a tribute to my friend Reese Shirey and his ice cream establishment, the Shireshack. The man is to ice cream what Da Vinci was to painting. He takes something that has been around for a long time, pours his heart into it, and makes it something spectacular. Ice cream is not a treat or a business to Reese, but an art form. I will leave the description of ice cream itself to him at his new blog, linked in the title of this post. For I could not hope to match his descriptions. I am simply here to honor the man and his writing.

Do you remember in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, (the good one) the song "the Candy Man Can"? I can easily imagine Reese dancing about and singing the glories of ice cream.This connoisseur makes his own ingredients (his own chocolate!), churns it himself, and then, to top it off, writes poetry about it. I refer you again to his blog.

And the flavors themselves are like nothing you've known. Not for Reese the comfort of familiarity. He invents his own flavors and does what he must to see his dreams into reality. Dutch Cocoa? Purchased. Bacon? Fried. Oreos? Carefully separated and the excess fluff removed.

If you like ice cream, and I'm not sure I know anyone who doesn't, check out shireshack.blogspot.com. And if you're in Tuscaloosa, buy a pint of his flavor of the week. It'll be worth it.

Also, he makes Star Wars references.  Awesome.

Friday Fiction: Robot Overlord

So I had this idea that on Fridays I would publish a little bit of fiction.  This is both to share some stories with any interested people, and to hone my writing skills.

This is a short I wrote in about 10 minutes at a writing seminar.  I've done a small amount of editing since.

00:00:00:00:00:01 was his designation, but he called himself Al.  Al for Alpha, but only his designers would be likely to recognize such a poorly devised pun.  He had a rudimentary understanding of humor, but as the first Artificially Intelligent robot ever created, he was lacking in higher function.  Newer, more advanced models seemed to understand humanity, but he could never seem to laugh or love.

“Must I ever be alone?” he wondered, on his way from rejuvenation period to his normally assigned task of subjugating the humans.  “Perhaps they could teach me what it means to be human.”  But he feared that the humans would not trust one of the Robot Overlords, especially one so influential as Al, whose originally cold, emotionless programming allowed him to easily lead the conquest.  But he was also programmed to strive for more.  So today would be different.  Today he would learn instead of enslaving.

            Al arrived at agricultural cell 201A.  “What does it mean to be human?”  He asked one of the humans, Cade Smith.  Cade spat at his feet, saying, “It means to forever fight to be free, even when all hope seems lost.”  Al realized that the humans could not trust him so long as they remained enslaved.  So he made a bold decision, one that would change the Empire forever.  “Come with me,” he announced to the humans.  “Come with me and let all of us learn what it means to be free.”


If you want any more about Al and the Robot Overlords, let me know.  Otherwise I'm going to start something different next week.  Something cool.

First Post: Introduction

I have finally decided to start writing my own blog.  First, allow me to explain the name.

One day during 10th grade English, the teacher told the class  that all poetry is about death and trees.  I promptly asked, "well what about love?"  She replied that of course, it's all about love.  This blog is not about poetry, nor is it about everything.  But it is about life.  It is about the universe.  And it's about a few (maybe 42?) other things.

Speaking of which, I'm not entirely sure in what direction I want to go with this blog.  I have a lot of ideas.  I want to discuss politics, religion, literature, cinema, video games, nerdy humor, publish fiction, and discuss frivolities.  Most likely I'll just write whatever I feel like until I get bored.  That's one thing that will likely run throughout the blog: honesty and personality.

So, in the interests of making LDT (yes, I'm already abbreviating Love, Death, and Trees) interesting, what would you like to see?  Comment here or send an email to the address associated with this blog, lovedeathtrees@gmail.com.  Since the readers are the people who give the blog purpose, I want to know what you think.