Friday Fiction: Outcast Episode 3

Make sure to start from the beginning. And episode 2.

Mahtek ran to the end of the alleyway. He peered out and saw people looking around and talking loudly, confusedly. Soon they would realize that he had to be nearby. He stopped to think for a moment. He looked back the other way to see the patrolman running at him. He didn’t have time to think. He threw the cloak on quickly and did the only thing he could: he ran.

He barreled into the street, knocking aside anyone standing in his way. People stared at him, the realization dawning that here was the man all the commotion was about. They began to shout. Mahtek kept running, glancing side to side for somewhere, anywhere he could hide. He ducked into an alleyway, out into the opposite street, trying to avoid his pursuit.

Spotting a merchant with some stock hanging from a large pack bolg, he jumped atop the beast. It grunted and began to rear back. As the merchant protested, Mahtek leapt upward onto the low roof of a building. He began to scramble across the rooftops. The entire city seemed to be in uproar now, and he realized that atop the buildings he was an easily visible target. In the distance, he could see a few soldiers beginning to move in his direction. They would be here soon, and he was not confident in his ability to escape an organized search. He had to get out of the city quickly.

Now in a residential portion of the city, Mahtek easily jumped across houses of uniform two-story height. But he knew he could not stay up there. He dove into a window of one house as he passed by and found himself in a bedroom. “Nu let there be no one home,” He prayed. He took a moment to catch his breath and consider his options. The soldiers would search the city until they either found him or gave up. And that would take a while. He breathed deeply and meditated.

* * *

Mahtek opened the door to see the state of the pursuit. All around, people were talking hurriedly, worried looks on their faces. He stepped out into the street, keeping his face hidden. “What’s the problem?” He asked a young girl, disguising his voice with a gravelly tone.

“Mahtek Reyin the outcast is back in the city!” came the frightened response.
“Oh dear,” He replied, “You should go home where it’s safe.”

“That’s what I’m doing!” she said as she dashed into the door Mahtek had just left. He blinked, then hurried about like everyone else, his manner apparently nervous. With his hood drawn, he yet again appeared little different than anyone else, as long as they did not study his face.

He carefully maneuvered his way towards the city’s western gate, all the while staying anonymous within the crowd. The soldiers there were turning away people trying to escape a panic they did not quite understand. They pleaded, but the soldiers would not risk letting their quarry escape. Mahtek’s hopes sank; the guards would recognize him instantly if he approached them, and he could not climb the city’s walls without being noticed.

Unexpectedly, another cloaked man ran by, his face shrouded. He ran with purpose, not seeming to flee or pursue. Grasping at a slim chance, Mahtek cried, “There goes the outcast!” pointing at the runner. “Look, he’s hiding his face!” The runner turned to Mahtek, his entire face shrouded but his eyes somehow visible, and winked, then ran on.

The crowd screamed and scattered. The soldiers at the gate ran after him, shouting to get the attention of the rest of the guard. A few of the nearby civilians dashed out the gate. Once again simultaneously disapproving of and grateful for the guards’ lack of discipline, Mahtek moved along with the crowd, finally making his escape.

He headed down the gentle rise outside Iandrid, and made his way towards the nearby temple of Nu. He had friends there who knew him better than the easily frightened common people. Friends who would help him uncover the plot against him.

Sunday Sermon: Hinduism

You may or may not know much about Hinduism. People who know little about it tend to think of a somewhat strange religion with a lot of gods. I can’t hope to explain it entirely, and I don’t claim that all Hindus would agree with my description. It is a complicated and diverse belief system.

The main idea in Hinduism is that of Brahman, the universal spirit or principle of existence. All of the world that we perceive, including the various deities: Vishnu, Shiva, etc, are manifestations of Brahman.

This leads to two profound guiding aspects of life. The first is one’s concept of self. You are, in your own way, identical to the ultimate spirit of the universe. This concept greatly affirms your personal value, as well as personal responsibility.

The ultimate goal of a Hindu, moksha, is achieved when you fully realize, accept, and become the truth that your soul is identical with Brahman. This manifests as a great personal strength and sense of identity. No longer must you be defined by others’ perceptions, but by your relationship with your own piece of the ultimate reality.

The other part of this is relationships to others. Since everyone else is also part of the same ultimate spirit as you, they deserve respect and acceptance. This does not mean that you must agree with everything everyone else says, but accept them as a fellow human being, a fellow part of divinity.

During this religion series, I am not particularly trying to convert anyone to anything. The point here is to recognize the good teachings that other faiths have to offer. I don’t expect you to suddenly believe that you are part of the great collective soul of Brahman.

But the ideals hold true. You are a human being, a part of the only race known to have achieved consciousness. And because of that, you are important, and you do have the opportunity to define yourself.

Other humans are also more similar to yourself than you might realize. They deal with similar struggles, both internal and external. When they disagree with you, it is usually not because they are evil or fundamentally different than you. Their human experience has led them, through a thought process perfectly reasonable to them, to different opinions.

I think we can all gain a lot by recognizing the strength and individuality of ourselves and others, as well as the collectiveness that defines us. After all, we are one species living on one planet. Anything that one person does ultimately affects everyone, even if only in a small way.

Friday Fiction: Outcast Episode 2

Make sure you read Episode 1 first! Once again, pronunciation guide is included in the comments.



Now inside the building, Mahtek paused for a moment. The warmth from the fire reminded him how cold it was outside. His cloak provided secrecy, but not warmth. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the heat for just a moment.

Remembering where he was, Mahtek opened his eyes and kept one on the guard, who currently faced away from him. He tiptoed down the hallway. Now out of sight, he took his cloak off again to reveal his furry face and limbs and simple studded armor jerkin.

Mahtek was a makir, one of the many humanoid races on this world. And, like most makirs, he had thin white fur covering his body, retractable claws on his hands and feet, blood-red eyes, and could move with great quickness and agility. He stood just taller than an average human, and his face bore a few lines of age. A scar from a battle long ago left a furless line just beneath his left eye; eyes that rarely brooked any mirth. He had had little to laugh about since the war began.

He knew his cloak would not hide him inside these close corridors, and he didn’t want to remind anyone about the stone-colored side of it. He put it back on, black side out. He continued on his way, encountering no one. To the king of Imnos, the war with Gilneyad was far more important than this building. Most of the army was needed at the front lines, accounting for the sparse guard here and elsewhere in the city. Navigating the familiar corridors, Mahtek found his way to the room he was looking for.

He looked at the door. “Hopefully it’s been fixed,” he muttered to himself. He began to open it slowly. It creaked loudly. Mahtek winced and looked around. Nothing had changed in the empty hallway. He slipped inside, leaving the door open behind him. There it was: a chest marked “evidence”.

He opened the chest and found what he was looking for: a small sword with an unfamiliar insignia on the hilt. It bore what looked like the bright sun of Gilneyad, Imnos’s enemy, but without the lines of radiance, and with a small dagger and drop of blood. Mahtek knew that this insignia was the key to the plot against him. He tucked it onto his belt, and stepped out of the room.

And froze. There, just a few feet away, was the guard from the entrance. A young ferric, sinewy and with reptilian scales, he looked just as surprised as Mahtek. He stuttered for a moment, then shouted, “You! How did – how did you get in here?” He began to reach for his sword.

Shaking off his momentary paralysis, Mahtek drew the blade he had just stolen, roared, and charged the guard at full speed. Panic in his eyes, the guard fumbled for his blade, stumbling backward. Mahtek tucked his shoulder down and crashed into him. The guard fell to the ground, blade still sheathed. Mahtek rubbed his shoulder, put the sword away, and ran on.

He ran through the hallways quickly, no longer concerned with stealth. Dashing around the tight turns, he soon reached the window where he had entered. Looking back, he could hear quick footsteps. The inexperienced guard did not know this building as well as Mahtek had when he was on duty here long ago, but he would catch up soon.

He removed his cloak and stood on the high sill. Taking one end of cloth in each hand, he took a deep breath to focus himself, then jumped. The cloak above him did not slow his descent at all. He managed to hook it over the corner of a lower building’s roof, transferring his momentum through an arc. Just before the bottom of his swing, the cloak unexpectedly slipped off the corner. Mahtek crashed to the ground and fell on his already tender shoulder.

He looked around. He was back in the alley where he first climbed to the window, but closer to the street on the opposite side. He looked back up at the window. The guard had just reached it, and saw him below. “The outcast is in the city!” He shouted loudly enough for anyone nearby to hear. “Mahtek Reyin is in the city!” The patrolling guard on the other street heard the shouts, and shot a plume of flame from his hand into the sky.

“Dierz!” He cursed, “Now the whole city knows I’m here!”



One reason I'm doing this is to gain some exposure for my writing. So please, share this with your friends!

Also, as the story progresses, I will be more and more willing to answer questions about the characters and the world. So if you have a question or other comments, you can post below. In particular, I want to know your thoughts on the length of each segment.

And kudos to you if you get the Elder Scrolls reference.

Relationships: what to look for

In an earlier post I talked about taking time and finding a good relationship.  Well what is a good relationship?  Here's what I think.  Please note that this is based on my experience; results may not be typical.

A good couple typically has some things in common.  Shared interests, similar senses of humor, a minimum of habits that the other finds annoying, etc.  My girlfriend and I are both nerds; we fluently discuss Star Trek, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and make hilarious jokes about such things that most people would fail to understand.  It's nice.

But all this is, in a way, surface level.  It is certainly good to have, smooths things along, and makes a relationship more enjoyable.  What I have found truly defines a good relationship is a mutual desire on the part of each person to make the other one happy.

I hear many stories of people who intentionally do things that bother or embarrass their partners because they find it amusing.  I personally don't really understand this.  If you love someone, you should try to make them happy, not be an annoyance to them.

The other very important foundation of a successful relationship is communication.  A couple has to understand one another.  To do this, you must be open and honest.  Keeping things hidden from each other creates a wedge between a couple.

If you have some issue with your partner, bring it to their attention so, you can work it out together.  You can only make each other happy if you know what makes each other happy.  The same for avoiding hurting or upsetting each other.

Again, disclaimer: I can hardly be considered to know everything there is to know about relationships.  But I think it helpful to bear these things in mind going forth.  If you have any thoughts on the matter, feel free to comment below.

Sunday Sermon: Buddhism

I find Buddhism to be rather interesting, and I’ve done a fair amount of study of it. I think there is a lot we can learn from its teachings.

The Buddha sat under a tree and meditated, and finally determined four noble truths: That life is suffering, that suffering is caused by craving and attachment, that that cause can be broken, and the eight-fold path to cessation of suffering.

This is not a pessimistic philosophy, but a realistic one. You may say, “but some things are enjoyable.” That’s completely true. But when such things inevitably end, they often leave behind a sense of longing for them or regret (think hangovers).

You may also say that natural events (storms, disease, etc) cause suffering. That’s fairly true too. An argument could be made, however, that the actual unpleasantness experienced by a human stems from their attachment to anything lost in such an event. The actual Buddhist explanation involves cosmology and reincarnation, and I don’t really want to go there.

The essence of the Buddhist path to nirvana, or cessation of suffering, is freeing oneself from all attachments. This is not to detach yourself from the world, the people around you, or your relationships, but rather to accept them as they are. You can still have a loving and happy relationship, but do not fear any potential end to that relationship. Accept it as it is and enjoy it. And if it does end, say, in a breakup, then accept that as it is and move on.

There is also a strong element of understanding and ethics. Indeed, the eight-fold path consists primarily of understanding your own mind and the world around you, and being a good person based on that accurate understanding. In this way, you free yourself from pretense and guilt.

I do not claim that this is necessarily easy, or that I am by any means perfect at it. But I think all of us could use some lessons on accepting reality as it is, without the veil of our own preconceptions. Buddhist teachings have really helped me in some hard times before.

I encourage everyone to look more into it; I can’t go too much in depth here.  Here are a couple links for more information:
http://buddhanet.net
Buddhism on Wikipedia

Friday Fiction: Outcast Episode 1

I have been working on a series of novels for some time. This is the beginning of a new story, set in the same world. I'm hoping to publish it in weekly episodes. I hope you enjoy it! I have included a pronunciation guide in the comments section.



Mahtek Reyin peered out from the alley where he hid. The street before him was mostly empty. A few people, cloaked against the unaccustomed cold, drifted by. Mahtek kept his hood low to hide his face and ducked into the street. A couple walked by him, holding each other close for warmth and whispering to each other. They glanced at him but did not take notice. He looked like just another hapless resident of usually mild Iandrid, unprepared for the cold winter. In a way, his black cloak was sheltering him. Not from the cold, but from the eyes of everyone he walked past.

The building he was looking for lay at the end of the street. Two guards stood watch over the door, and another patrolled the street. Mahtek knew he couldn’t get past them unnoticed. But this was Iandrid, his city, and he had been to this place before. There were other ways in. He fell in step with a passer-by between him and the guards, then slipped down another alley.

Once out of site, he removed his cloak and reversed it. The outside was now a grayish white, almost matching the stone of the buildings. This cloak had originally been intended to hide him from the eyes of his country’s enemies. But now it hid him from his own countrymen just as well. He extended his claws and found cracks in the stone, then began to climb, his target the building’s sole window, above him.

As he clambered upward, the patrolling guard passed the mouth of the alley. Mahtek froze. Anyone closely inspecting the side of the building would have noticed him, but at a quick glance, his cloak blended in sufficiently not to warrant a second thought.

Mahtek began his climb again. Reaching the window, he peered inside carefully. A lone guard sat in the room, inattentive but with a clear view of the window. A small fire burned on the far side of the room. Mahtek ducked below the window and hung there, still, considered his options. His mission was imperative, and this was his only entrance.

An idea occurred to him. He peered through the opening once again. Gathering his focus, he stared intently at the guard. He hadn’t done this in a long time. The guard felt a slight chill, which began to grow worse. His breath condensed in the air before him. He shivered from the sudden discomfort, and, thinking it was simply a bad draft, pulled his chair closer to the fire, turned away from the window. Mahtek shook his head at the guard’s lack of discipline, but allowed himself a little satisfaction at the success of his own meager powers. He slipped into the room unnoticed, landing quietly.



Part of the reason I'm doing this is to hone my writing skills, so I would very much appreciate any feedback you want to give me. Also, I will be willing to answer questions about the characters, the world, et cetera, although I'm not going to give anything away. Comment below, and check back next week for episode 2!

Relationships, don't rush in

In love, much as in the rest of life, we tend to learn from our own mistakes and experiences.  My hope is that by sharing some wisdom I’ve gained, you can learn from mine without all the hassle.  I doubt this will be the only relationship post I make.  I’ve learned a lot, and I’m sure I have a lot yet to learn.

We live in a society that glorifies relationships.  This is not an accident; they’re fairly important.  Millions of years of evolutionary training have taught us this, and we also seem to gain a certain personal fulfillment from a good relationship.

But I think we are exposed to some ideas that are harmful to our ideals about love.  In movies, the couple almost always ends up together and happy, despite often being entirely incompatible.  In music, breakups and singleness are mourned, and the virtues of having a significant other extolled.  Absent are the explanations of why a particular person is so wonderful or why the breakup occurred.

This leads to the crux of the problem: society and individuals seek a relationship and find someone to fill that role rather than find a good partner and then begin a relationship.  I have most certainly been guilty of this.  I have spent unpleasant periods of my life seeking and being rejected because I just… wanted a girlfriend.  I eventually slowed down and had the epiphany that I should wait to find a girl right for me before making such an emotional investment.

There is no need to rush headlong into relationships.  Our lives are long enough to find someone truly worth it, but not so long that we can afford to spend time invested deeply in a series of unworkable relationships.

There is much more to be said on this topic.  At least one future post: what makes a great relationship.

If you have anything to add, relationship comments or questions, or requests for future topics, comment below or email me!

The Shireshack

This post is a tribute to my friend Reese Shirey and his ice cream establishment, the Shireshack. The man is to ice cream what Da Vinci was to painting. He takes something that has been around for a long time, pours his heart into it, and makes it something spectacular. Ice cream is not a treat or a business to Reese, but an art form. I will leave the description of ice cream itself to him at his new blog, linked in the title of this post. For I could not hope to match his descriptions. I am simply here to honor the man and his writing.

Do you remember in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, (the good one) the song "the Candy Man Can"? I can easily imagine Reese dancing about and singing the glories of ice cream.This connoisseur makes his own ingredients (his own chocolate!), churns it himself, and then, to top it off, writes poetry about it. I refer you again to his blog.

And the flavors themselves are like nothing you've known. Not for Reese the comfort of familiarity. He invents his own flavors and does what he must to see his dreams into reality. Dutch Cocoa? Purchased. Bacon? Fried. Oreos? Carefully separated and the excess fluff removed.

If you like ice cream, and I'm not sure I know anyone who doesn't, check out shireshack.blogspot.com. And if you're in Tuscaloosa, buy a pint of his flavor of the week. It'll be worth it.

Also, he makes Star Wars references.  Awesome.

Sunday Sermon: Jedi

Another idea I had was to do a weekly religious article.  Published, naturally, on Sundays.  I wanted to start with something a bit light, but still (in my opinion) meaningful.  So naturally, I chose the Jedi religion.

            If you’ve met me, you probably recall my standard introduction: “Hi, I’m Andrew Reeves, nice to meet you.  I really love Star Wars.  Like, it’s ridiculous.”  Or words to that effect.  Sometimes I say it in the other order because really, the second one is more important.  And where many stereotypes have a Jesus or Buddha bobble-head on their dashboard, I chose a different spiritual leader.  That’s right, there is actually a Yoda bobble-head on my dashboard.  The lightsaber doesn’t glow in the dark, but that would be TOTALLY AWESOME!

            So what sort of spiritual guidance can be gleaned from the Jedi?  Either due to this being a different galaxy or a long time in the future, we seem unable to tap the Force.  But we can still learn from the guardians of the Republic.  I will start with a recitation of the Jedi Code:

There is no emotion; there is peace.

There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.

There is no passion; there is serenity.

There is no chaos; there is harmony.*

There is no death; there is the Force.

*line four not found in all Jedi texts.

            There is a lot contained there, and we would do well to read carefully.  These are not to say that the first parts of the pairs do not exist, but rather that they are overcome by the second part.

A Jedi does not allow emotion or passion to rule him, but rather serenely and peacefully assesses a situation and bases decisions on logic and reason.  Acting unthinkingly out of passion clouds judgment and leads to the dark side.  By carefully examining available options, a Jedi can make a decision that brings about the greatest resolution, not merely the quickest.

            Ignorance is overcome by knowledge.  That seems obvious.  A Jedi learns all he can to become stronger, to make better decisions.  But also in that tenet is a reminder that knowledge can come from any source, even one that seems ignorant.  And from mistakes borne of ignorance can come greater knowledge.

            That leads directly into the fourth tenet.  The galaxy is a chaotic place.  Wars, (lots and lots of wars in Star Wars, let me tell you) religious schisms, heartbreaks, family disagreements, etc.  But from these unpredictable and often tragic events, a greater harmony can arise.  A Jedi recognizes the interconnectedness of life and events and uses even tragedies to bring about good.

            Once again, we do not seem to be able to touch the Force in our time and galaxy.  But there is still truth to the last tenet.  Look at the Force not as an energy field created by all living things, but as all living things themselves.  When an individual dies, they do not disappear as though they never were.  Their body persists and becomes a new generation of life.  Their spirit lives on in the lives they have touched.  Death is a natural part of life.

            It feels like there is more I want to say, but I’m not exactly sure how to.  If you want any clarification or elaboration, feel free to comment below or email me at lovedeathtrees@gmail.com.  The same applies to any thoughts on future discussions.  Any particular religion or religious topic you’d like to see my take on?

Friday Fiction: Robot Overlord

So I had this idea that on Fridays I would publish a little bit of fiction.  This is both to share some stories with any interested people, and to hone my writing skills.

This is a short I wrote in about 10 minutes at a writing seminar.  I've done a small amount of editing since.

00:00:00:00:00:01 was his designation, but he called himself Al.  Al for Alpha, but only his designers would be likely to recognize such a poorly devised pun.  He had a rudimentary understanding of humor, but as the first Artificially Intelligent robot ever created, he was lacking in higher function.  Newer, more advanced models seemed to understand humanity, but he could never seem to laugh or love.

“Must I ever be alone?” he wondered, on his way from rejuvenation period to his normally assigned task of subjugating the humans.  “Perhaps they could teach me what it means to be human.”  But he feared that the humans would not trust one of the Robot Overlords, especially one so influential as Al, whose originally cold, emotionless programming allowed him to easily lead the conquest.  But he was also programmed to strive for more.  So today would be different.  Today he would learn instead of enslaving.

            Al arrived at agricultural cell 201A.  “What does it mean to be human?”  He asked one of the humans, Cade Smith.  Cade spat at his feet, saying, “It means to forever fight to be free, even when all hope seems lost.”  Al realized that the humans could not trust him so long as they remained enslaved.  So he made a bold decision, one that would change the Empire forever.  “Come with me,” he announced to the humans.  “Come with me and let all of us learn what it means to be free.”


If you want any more about Al and the Robot Overlords, let me know.  Otherwise I'm going to start something different next week.  Something cool.

Flying Robots! A little bit about what I do

So, this summer I'm doing a research project with robotics.  Some people have told me that this sounds really cool.  Now it's time for your disillusionment!

I'm working with flying robots called AR.drones.  You may have seen ads for them; they're marketed as a real-life flying/fighting video game that you can control with an iPhone/iPod/iPad.  But we want to do useful things with them.  My part in this so far is to configure them so that multiple can be controlled from one computer and to integrate a GPS, so that they know where they are.

So this was my day yesterday:  The new router just came in.  Step one: disable all auto-configuration and security features.  I'm t3h 1337 haxx0r, not some n00b, lol lol kok.  I connect to it wirelessly.  Already a step ahead of the old routers.  So then I disconnect and go to do my haxx0rz, logging onto it manually with iwconfig on Linux (man I wish I were wearing glasses so I could push them up my nose every time I mention Linux).  No good.  In fact, now I can't get on the wireless at all.  I give it to my professor.  By the end of the day, she gave it back to me, hopefully fixed.  I'll work on it today.

In the meantime, I also have GPS's to figure out.  They use a TTL output, and nothing in the world has TTL input.  So I get a TTL-USB adapter, and solder the GPS output wires onto a connector.  Yes!  I love soldering! (pronounced saw-der).  I plug that into my computer, power the thing with an external power supply, and it tells me... it's at latitude 0, longitude 0, and it's location fix is invalid.  Well, actually it told me $GPGGA,195018.000,0000.0000,N,00000.0000,E,0,,,,whatever, but I'm translating for your benefit.

Well, the thing's tiny and puny; it's not going to work inside.  So I grab my computer, (including wireless mouse; I hate the built-in thing) the GPS, the adapter, and throw a few batteries together to make a portable power supply, and head outside.  Now I'm in the middle of a courtyard, setting on a concrete bench in 100 degree heat, with freezing cold computer labs all around me, playing with my computer and a tiny chip.

Sometimes I wonder what people around me are thinking about me.  This was one of those times.  I hope I looked like I was doing something important.  It looks like I'm getting something, but I can't read the computer monitor because IT'S TOO BRIGHT OUTSIDE.  I save the data and go back inside.  Guess what?  Location data!  Google says it's about a mile off, but that's totally because I was in the middle of a courtyard, surrounded by buildings, and didn't move at all.  Please let that be the problem.

Next step: hack into the robot and reprogram it to interface with a GPS.  Oh yeah, and it runs on Linux.  *push up glasses*

I barely touch the actual flying robots.  Sometimes I log onto one with my iphone and play around.  They're actually really cool.

Thor, and the comic book/mythology nerds who love him

Movie review time!  I recently watched the film Thor, and it was pretty awesome.  First of all, it was really good to see Natalie Portman not in a mental institution- er, a ballet, with hair, and nowhere near Hayden Christensen.  And I, at least, find the smart girl appealing.

Marvel knows how to make us nerds happy.  Cute girls, check.  But also important to us is a smug sense of the value of our nerdy knowledge.  So when the professor mentions his friend who was investigating gamma rays, we all go "Oooh!" because we know he's talking about Bruce Banner.  And when the government spook asks about Tony Stark, we all go "Oooh!" because, hey, we saw Iron Man.  And when Samuel L. Jackson shows up at the end, we all go "Oooh!" because it's Samuel L. Jackson, then "Oooh!" again because we know he's Nick Fury and Nick Fury is the head of Shield and Shield has to do with lots of super heroes because they're bringing them all together in the Avengers which they're making and oh my gosh they're making Avengers and it's going to be amazing!  Yeah, we nerds get excited about stuff like this.  Very excited.

I'm not as buff on my Norse mythology as I am on my Greek, but I know a little.  I played Midgard in Dark Age of Camelot, so the names are familiar.  Mjolnir?  Oh yeah, I was a Thane; I called Mjolnir all the time to crush my enemies and see them driven before me.*  From what I've gathered, the Norse gods were all about battle and f-ing people up with their comically oversized weapons.  Or something like that.  So when the professor picked up the Norse mythology book, I half expected him to conclude that this guy definitely wasn't Thor, because he's much to nice and... not smashing everyone's face in.  I have this idea that the real Thor, trapped in a mortal's body, starts training like crazy and eventually becomes a Z-fighter shooting kamehameha waves at everyone.  But, to confine his options to the Marvel universe, he'd probably inject himself with super-soldier serum, or build a super-suit, or don a black suit, or gamma-irradiate himself, or do any of the other thousand things people have done in Marvel to become super-heroes.  That'd be cool: Hulk-Thor!  Make that next, Marvel.  We nerds would love it.

*speaking of which, they're remaking Conan the Barbarian.  Expect another review after that comes out.

So how did you like Thor?  Or any other Marvel movie?  Got a movie review you'd like to see?  Never heard of Dark Age of Camelot?  Comment away, or email me at lovedeathtrees@gmail.com.