In love, much as in the rest of life, we tend to learn from our own mistakes and experiences. My hope is that by sharing some wisdom I’ve gained, you can learn from mine without all the hassle. I doubt this will be the only relationship post I make. I’ve learned a lot, and I’m sure I have a lot yet to learn.
We live in a society that glorifies relationships. This is not an accident; they’re fairly important. Millions of years of evolutionary training have taught us this, and we also seem to gain a certain personal fulfillment from a good relationship.
But I think we are exposed to some ideas that are harmful to our ideals about love. In movies, the couple almost always ends up together and happy, despite often being entirely incompatible. In music, breakups and singleness are mourned, and the virtues of having a significant other extolled. Absent are the explanations of why a particular person is so wonderful or why the breakup occurred.
This leads to the crux of the problem: society and individuals seek a relationship and find someone to fill that role rather than find a good partner and then begin a relationship. I have most certainly been guilty of this. I have spent unpleasant periods of my life seeking and being rejected because I just… wanted a girlfriend. I eventually slowed down and had the epiphany that I should wait to find a girl right for me before making such an emotional investment.
There is no need to rush headlong into relationships. Our lives are long enough to find someone truly worth it, but not so long that we can afford to spend time invested deeply in a series of unworkable relationships.
There is much more to be said on this topic. At least one future post: what makes a great relationship.
If you have anything to add, relationship comments or questions, or requests for future topics, comment below or email me!
waiting to "invest", as you say, sometimes just isn't an option. More oft than not, the feelings choose you, rather than you choosing the feelings....then, thru no fault of your own, you have broken your rule of "waiting to invest you emotions"...but there is something to be said for experience even at the hands of emotional misery.
ReplyDeleteTrue enough. Although sometimes later reflection may lead to a wish that we had waited rather than jumped on feelings too soon. Alas, all I can do is advise. Everyone has to follow their own heart.
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